A Serious One

While onboard I sometimes go days at a time without checking my personal email. I get really busy and the internet is slow so I convince myself to just wait it out until I can check it on my laptop in port. On a 12 day cruise in December, I did just that. I maybe even went a week without checking it before taking my laptop to one of my favorite places in St Maarten. I sat down, ordered the crew special- 2 for 1 drinks- and opened my laptop. It is my custom to start at the bottom of the unread messages list and work my way up to the newest message. I found an email from my family saying that my Grandmother was very sick and in the hospital. Panicked I clicked back to my inbox and searched through my new messages and there it was- a notice that my Grandma was now with Jesus. My Grandma had been sick for awhile so I knew that this was technically good news- she was in a much better place now and she wasn’t sick anymore. But it sure didn’t feel like good news. I jumped up, packed my computer up, and nearly ran back to the ship. I called home trying to figure out what to do while Jamie called all of the appropriate people to ensure I could get off the ship if I needed too and have them start getting the paperwork together. After a conversation with my parents and an evaluation of the unpredictable Pennsylvania December weather we decided if would be best if I stayed put. I will never know if I made the right decision.

The rest of the family got to share memories of my Grandma with each other but since I couldn’t be there I wrote some things down. The day of the funeral my parents told me what I wrote would be read as part of the service. I was honored, but even more sad I wasn’t there to say it all in person. Thanks to my cousin, I was able to listen to the whole service through her cell phone.

My Grandma was a remarkable woman whom I miss deeply. The loss is actually real to me now that I am home. Below is what I wrote for her.

Friends and Family-

It is with mixed emotions that I write this today. While my eyes are full of tears and my heart with sadness, there is still joy this day. My grandma loved the Lord and everyone that met her could see it- from her constant sense of humor to the radiant smile on her face. I remember her reading her Living Bible all through my childhood and even in her later years she would still sing the old hymns about the love of Jesus. I wish that I could be there to hug each of you and to celebrate the life of this amazing woman, but sadly that is just not possible.

The end of Proverbs 31 says, “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned.”

Grandma,

I know that you have your reward now. We will all miss you terribly, but I am so happy to know that you now have no more pain, confusion, or frustration. You are finally home. You are finally whole.

While I’m happy for you, I am still sad that you’re gone. If you hadn’t been so wonderful, maybe this wouldn’t be so hard. You loved me from the moment I was born- I’m writing this with the baby blanket you gave me draped over my shoulders. As a child this was a security blanket for me and I needed it to sleep, but the older we both got, the less I needed it, but the more I wanted it. It reminded me of you- your sense of humor, your positivity, and your love for all of us. The sicker you got, the more it meant to me- it’s been everywhere – college, on the road, and now out at sea. As much as I dreaded it, I knew that this blanket would one day dry my tears on this very occasion.

You probably got a thank you card for the blanket a few decades ago, but what you never got a thank you for is what this blanket represents:

• Your sense of humor: Thank you for your wit and your laughter. I always had fun going to your house. I know that my dad got his sense of humor from you, and mine came from him, so thank you. I imagine it was you that helped shaped my lifelong desire to put smiles on people’s faces and make them laugh- because that’s what you always did for me, and it was wonderful. Even in the last few years, I could still catch glimpses of the grandma I had known years ago. It was in the sparkle in your eyes and the smile on your face.
• Your positivity: Thank you for your positive outlook on life. I’m not sure if I ever heard you complain. Up until a few years ago, the only times I had ever seen you sad where when we were gathered in a room like this one. You never saw the glass as half empty, and you were always upbeat. It was a joy to be in your presence.
• Your love- Thank you for how you loved your family. You had so many kids and grandkids that I don’t know how you had enough room in your heart for the love that you had for each of us!

I have so many great memories of you, as we all do. Not many kids are lucky enough to live a bike ride away from Grandma, but I was. I always knew I could ride my bike up for a snack or a swim any day of the summer. You would always get in the pool with us with your clothes on and your radio there too. You were my go to plan every time I contemplated running away from home- Step 1: Grab the $20 I had saved. That’s enough to live on for awhile, right? Step 2. Go to Grandma’s house, she’ll hide me.

There are also lots of things that will always remind me of you. I have no idea how to play pinocle, but it has reminded me of you since I was a kid and Nicki and I would spend every Friday night watching TV and eating Pringles as you and Grandpa and mom and dad played cards. I still don’t know how to play 500 or gin rummy, but I can remember you teaching me over and over again. You always had the best snacks at your house too: frosted brownies, ice cream, those special Easter treats you would make for our “cool whip” Easter baskets, graham crackers with icing, and the list could go on and on. You loved feeding people and I was happy to help you do what you loved!

Not that long ago, I came up to see you before leaving for several months out here at sea. My dad told you that this would be the last time you would see me for awhile and he asked if you had any advice for me. You sat up on the edge of your seat, got very serious, and looked right into my eyes. Then you simply said, “Take naps. Take lots of naps.” That’s good advice Grandma. Thank you for your words of wisdom and I take as many naps as I possibly can.

I know you worried about me being so far away, and I worried about you too. For the last year or so, I cried every time I had to leave- fearing that this would be our last goodbye. The goodbye in early July this year was no different. We said goodbye and that we loved each other and I have always known that is true. While it’s hard for me to accept that I won’t see you when I get back to Pennsylvania, I know that I will see you again one day. I’ll see you soon Grandma, I’m coming home too.

All my love,

Your adoring granddaughter Valerie